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Couch 2 5 K: Self Care or Making Excuses?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OK, checking in on my C25K program and what’s up.  Sunday, somehow I tweaked my knee and “feels loose” if that makes any sense.  So yesterday was the 1st Monday in 7 weeks I was not kicking off a new week of C25K.  I debated for a bit whether I should go out and try yesterday morning anyway or give it a day to feel sturdier.  Having quit so many things in the past, I wanted to make sure I wasn’t just looking for an excuse to not do the work.  Had been reading about RV’ing and trail hiking all weekend and was pretty sure I really did want to get out there and do W7D1 and get it done.  I was worried if I took a day off it would be the first step on a very slippery slope.  I remembered last week when I skipped Wednesday and made it up Thursday and reminded myself I could make it up.   It was W7 2 years ago, when I face-planted on the sidewalk and took a week off and then restarted the program.   Not a good feeling to not trust your own instincts for taking care of yourself and worry instead you making excuses or rationalizing.

Woke up this morning planning to go out and nervous about how my knee would feel.  Felt a bit better but still a little loose.  Asking myself the worst thing which could happen, figured it could be a bad fall where I injure myself even worse.  So, sadly, decided to take today off also and having mixed feelings about it.  Am I taking care of my knee or copping out?  So I’m sitting here dressed to go running and instead am eating watermelon and journaling.  Trying to imagine what it would feel like to not have a history of giving up and not trusting yourself and you own intentions.   I know how wonderful I feel when I get home from a run and am feeling sad today and like I am letting myself down.

Yesterday when I decided to rest my knee I didn’t post anything about it in my C25K Group and feel like that was a mistake.  That was excuse behavior.  When I have quit things in the past, I just kind of let the whole subject fade away into nothingness and use the out of sight out of mind system.  Today I knew I had to address it with myself in stay in integrity with me.  I was thinking maybe I would walk 30 minutes instead and almost stopped writing a few minutes ago to go out and walking 30 minutes.  Then questioned why I was so wanting to do that.  To prove to myself I wasn’t a total quitter?  Would that be a test for my knee or missing an opportunity to give it another day’s rest?   Caught myself and took off my shoes and socks before I went out and made it worse just to prove something to myself.  One more day of rest.

Tomorrow morning when I get up I will evaluate.  Since it feels better today, there is a good chance it will be even better tomorrow.  And later tomorrow morning I have a doctor’s appointment about something else and can if need be, can ask it to be checked out.

Of all the workouts and exercises I have done in my life running is the one which leaves me feeling exhilarated even though I don’t run very fast.  It leaves me feeling accomplished and excited.  The only other exercise which has come close was when Kevin and I were first married and played racquetball several times a week.   Loved it, but love running more.

How does a person get to the point where they don’t trust themselves?  For me it’s about losing confidence in myself and by not following through on things.  Need to work on developing the confidence I have in my clients in myself.  I never, ever give up on my clients.  And if fact I invite them to borrow my confidence in them when they are feeling low, since I have plenty to spare.  My belief in human potentiality is limitless, unless it’s about me.  My intention for today is to relax into trusting my intuition and knowing running today would not be a smart thing (in the long run) to do.  I might have gotten it done and at what cost.  Clearly, I don’t want to do anything which would take me out of the process completely.  There are only 2 more weeks of C25K and have already got Bridge to 10K lined up and ready to go.  Want to capture that excitement again of running barefoot on the beach at the water’s edge again.   The running barefoot part is what my doctor’s appointment is all about tomorrow, my droopy toe and why I can only run in my shoes right now.

Will be resting my knee today, eating healthy all day and following through on my other goals.  I am not a quitter.  Are you worried about being a quitter?  What can you do to yourself to prove to you, you’re not.   My proof is the eating healthy in spite of not being able to run.  The quitter in me in the past might have said, why bother eating healthy, you can’t exercise anyway.  Not taking that out today.

Teaching Healthy Living,

Judi

 

 

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