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Flexible to Frustrated to Fuming to Fixated With Fingers Crossed

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Flexible:  Yesterday morning when I was ready to head out on my run, discovered the battery on my phone was dead.  The C25K Program I use is an app (imagine that) which tells me when to walk, run, stretch etc.  Now I suppose I could have written the intervals down on my hand and used my watch, however that has not always been a very safe choice for me.  Being a bit uncoordinated, I’ve found it works best for me to keep my eyes on the ground at all times.  So being flexible I decided to do my run at the beach after my hair appointment and counted on it being grey, cool and overcast as normal.  San Diego summers at the beach begin in September.  Since I had a bit of time before I left I decided I had a bit of time to sit down at the computer.  Big mistake.  Before I knew it I was running late and did not allow myself time to get gas on the way.  The car was acting a bit weird and worried all the way there I might run out of gas which was a bit stressful.

Walking out of the salon it was a bright, sunny and very warm day and I needed gas.  So I headed to the gas station instead of the beach which was in the opposite direction.  Even after getting gas, the car was a bit jerky and kept almost stalling and decided to just go home.  I knew I had to take my son to a very important appointment in a couple of hours and Kevin suggested I ask him to check my oil.  And guess what, there did not appear to be very much (if any) in there.  So now instead of my W5D3 of C25k I was walking instead to Circle K to buy oil.  Dylan wrote down what I needed and off I went. I will admit this is a very sexist thing to say, but in my world cars are a boy thing and I was quickly slipping into frustration.

Frustrated:  It was really important for the car to work well enough to get my son to his appointment so we left  early since the car, even with 3 quarts of new oil, was still doing the herky jerky.  On the way the car died at every single red light. Every single one.  Made for a long drive (normally 18 minutes) and was sweating bullets. I always feel so badly for people I see having car trouble on the road because I know how awful it feels.   Kevin came to the rescue while I waited for my son and found what the problem was (besides not having much oil) and was able to do a temporary fix to get us home.  Now he just needs to order a part and install it.

The car issues were really just a place to focus my frustration.   Car have issues and I’m grateful to have a car.  The real issue was sitting in the salon chair for 2 hours facing a full length mirror.  My bathroom mirror is just above waist high and of course I am always standing up when I am looking at myself.  Sitting in that chair looking at myself I just wanted to cry. To be honest I was horrified.  HORRIFIED.  I hated how I looked and was in shock.

Fuming:  I got so mad at myself.  Furious with myself.  I know what to do, have done it, coach others on how to do it and yet I was mortified looking at myself in the mirror.  I was so angry at myself and just wanted to cry.  The most important thing to me, the #1 reason I am a Team Beachbody Coach is I’m not allowed to give up on myself.  Giving up is not an option.

So I decided to ask myself and make a list of how not losing weight was serving me.  I know it’s a weird question, however if we are continuing something it has to be serving us in some way or we would make changes.  Here is the list I came up with about how yo-yoing is serving me:

1.  It allows me to be lazy about food preparation.  I am not a domestic person, not even close.  And I am really not a very picky eater either.  I can see myself as Robert Young in Father Knows Best coming home from work, putting my briefcase down and sitting down to dinner and not even caring what was being served.  What I can’t picture myself doing is being Jane Wyatt, in the kitchen with my apron and heels and spending all afternoon preparing the family dinner.  Basically I am a better husband than wife.  I’m not lazy in general and in fact I work harder than most people I know in my business.  I just  don’t like kitchen stuff.

2.  It gives me excuses for putting off success.  As long as I am “on my journey” I have an excuse I can give myself for not being as successful as I would like to be.   At least I can tell myself this.

Fixated:  Being a very OCD person I easily fixate on getting things done.  Where my weight is concerned my OCD-ness battles with my Instant Gratification-ness.  I lose focus and patience with myself.  I focus on the wrong things.  I want to be healthy and live a wildly adventuresome life on the road in a motorhome.  The old commercial for the Army, I think…Be all you can be is what needs to happen to make my vision a reality.  There are hikes I want to take, places I want to visit and all of these require being healthy and in shape.

Bottom line, I love my business and I hate food preparation, pretty simple.  However this is costing me more than I’m willing to pay which is my health and very possibly my life.  I need to make a commitment to get fixated on my health no matter what it takes.

In the flurry of cleaning my office this past week I found a Food Journal I must have purchased a couple of years ago.  Totally blank and just asking to be used.  So I began using it this morning.  Of course it begins on a Monday, so I went to Saturday and will work backwards this week.  I have started keeping track of what I am eating over and over and somehow when I make a bad choice, I stop. Duh.  I am looking for ways to succeed and have been thinking about tracking for a while now.  I am setting an intention to post a photo of my completed page at the end of each day, no matter what.  I will be posting my my Dr Fuhrman’s 6 Week Plan for Aggressive Weight Loss Group.  Feel free to hold me accountable.

                 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Giving up is not an option.

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